*disclaimer: sad and melancholic aura*


I cant believe its my 170th post for this blog, spending valuable time just to type my inner self in cyberspace for all the world to see and read.

I feel so confused lately, often times things just don't match anymore... its like an old house trying to be strong even if the foundation is weakening and in order to fix it up the facade just keeps on changing but the foundation slowly dilapidates. It slowly depresses me that I just keep on failing, even if I try still I'm not successful.. my door is knob less, nobody can seem to enter, like of the great wall of china- impenetrable. Instead of being self less I act as somebody selfish... like of a ice, cold and frozen. I'm reflecting upon myself again, my guess is that its because I just finished my period. I usually think of myself as somebody who does not care what others think of me, at the same time that I do not need to take notice of their existence.

I don't trust myself anymore, I do not trust me at all...

I have low tolerance for patience and concentration.. Only if I can revoke my whole being, I would... but all I can do is to accept and accept..

acceptance is the new key to victory

I don't know, I want to just give up to stop hurting the people I thought I was giving care to...

family, friends, work and future relationships.. personal battles..

Dear God,

I feel so empty, I pray that you will fill me with your love and grace.

ciao