change in the hope of changing

I'll stop pretending for awhile, I will try to be honest and true: one thing for sure.. I have not conquered my over sensitivity. Everyday I pray to the Lord that I could be healed with my my own cancer, its been an epidemic and it has swallowed a number of victim with it. 

Truly I am mortified.. 

I feel that I am indebted with this ordeal, terrify potential companions with it. I just feel a shame with it, they think of me as someone else [weird, abnormal, unattractive] when they have finally see through me they start flying away. As soon as they have finally figured me out, they go straight out the door and run, and give a reason for leaving..

Obnoxious

Though the fact that I am faced with the statement "I shouldn't care less" -- as if I am doomed with not even applying how I felt. Its either I piss off or they would have to leave the room without saying anything. I'm actually hard to be figured out, its slightly on purpose but it gives a certain thrill when somebody would dare to initiate to un puzzle you out. Then when all my defenses are done and disarmed, thats the time I get attacked and get a hit really big..

I hate being compared to, especially when someone starts giving me a stereotype already... Thats why now preferably I show 4 different spaces when I'm in front of the audience.  I would show them 4 different persona, in which it will be harder for me to be tackled and be unzipped from the whole casing of being.

I want to tell myself I want to quit, on the other hand: I prefer to be safe. To be the wall flower and be not tackled and scavenged for.. Not now.. not today or the following day. Instead, preferably when my true love finally finds me successfully.. I would be so grateful of it.

I'm feeling tired and sleepy: and I look like this; 

p.s.

Im almost done with the book, best believe I can finish it in one seating now... Albeit I feel like sleeping now and just napping and drift away.

laters..