où sont mes vertus

My blog title means: "where are my virtues" ?

Today I checked my facebook and this was one of the application that I usually read. I don't really believe it but its quite controversial since they say its about "God" I don't know how they base it but- I try not to believe (slash) believe. So my message today was:

Message from God to me:

Love is either unconditional or it's no love. You might like someone conditional on their personality or behavior or circumstances. But love accepts no boundaries. So never say 'I love you because', for love has no cause, love comes from God.

I feel semi doomed that; from now on I won't be saying "I love you" sincerely to someone.. :c Wistful, henceforth God is with me. Like a Juliet with Romeo, Elinor Dashwood for Edward Ferrars, Bella with an Edward.

Mind me not for I feel companionless for now. Now now, I shall live worth and cover every endearing moment I have at hand.

Today at work, the college kids were still partying and tomorrow will be the last night; well technically should be since I think and hopefully they'll go back to Kansas. Majority of the 1,700 students came from Kansas University, my guess is that most of them are rich kids since education here is pretty way way expensive and I find it ridiculous that the government and the private school price it that way. The fact that "college grants" are pretty hard to find and get accepted; the education system here in U.S. is a bit bias. (Only rich people could go to college?)

au contraire.

The kids who doesn't go for a college education; what they do is "work" their asses and can I just say: really really work. They could even handle 2-3 works? [whew] I'm just thankful that I'm earning and I pray that my hours wont cut me short, my parents were telling me again to use my paycheck... and I really don't want to :c

going back...

Some college kids were just idiots, bringing a fake a I.D. ? never would have known or thought they would really do it and to think "they'd get a way with it"? Too bad we didn't stay, the music was nice and I felt like dancing crazy, but I remembered I couldn't [squeeze bodies with 6 ft'ers] they are really really huge that they could easily make a stampede and would really kill me plus my claustrophobia issue . The fact that a flock of them are here in Keystone; they make business go good :)[boo hu]

Tomorrow I'm going to work late again, and seeing the Ïndian's face would totally irritate me more.. (err) the fact that he'll get more hours again, how disappointing. Well he is sort of getting in my nerves thats why... command this.. there.. where.. WHY COULDN'T HE HANDLE IT HIMSELF? A BIG LAZY GUY, AND COULDN'T HE REALIZE IT? DENGGIT'

"I'm sorry, I'm a bit piss at him for making us do everything, while he do the major tasks"

like gawd.. I just hate people who makes me an underdog... [pif]

We had a couple of drinks; I bought vodka vanilla at the liquor store (good thing I am 21, yehey! and soon turning 22 how sad)

So yeah; I used coffee so it became like a coffee liqueur; Jon got so much stomp'd & stone'd that I think he took almost 8-10shots, after that he said "ayaw ko na" and said that this wasn't for him and God didn't made him drink... (and all) he puked again at the toilet and fell asleep.

sob.

If it were my friends... but sadly they aren't here, at least he did fall asleep and went to bed early. I find it gross that I puked and took out all the alcohol out inside of me, I had a plastic bag on my side and I think I slept a couple of time... infront of the plastic bag... I'm planning:

• To permanently / temporary not drink [JANUARY 6'09] Lets see how long I could handle this

Its a hideous feeling afterwards, like right now I can still myself spinning and my world spinning. The alcohol does you bad, and good thing JON IS NOT MY TYPE and will never be.. I think if there was a decent guy here I'd get laid with that person and give up my "vow"

And I can't do that, its just plain crazy.. and would not give in easily

its a bit cold today,

[its 9:31am, -13 degrees celsius outside] my upper body is chilly and my legs are sweating because they are inside the sheets.

I feel stupid that "Evil" pushed me again to sent him a message last night, while I was tipsy.. I couldn't even remember what I said... owh goodness alcohol.

• I ain't going to swear but, I will try to really avoid Alcohol next time.. err..

I'll go back to sleep, I feel miserable now that I actually messaged him something and to think he didn't read it.. I'm guessing its her. [I feel soo ashame right now]

I feel that I should be extra strict with myself now, since I'm sensing God is goading me or sort of telling me to "stop".. and God is right; I need to stop. Look at this passage:

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”- Ephesians 5:1-2

I only love God right now, aside from a couple of people whom I cherish the most. But I think I'm doing something bad and unpleasing toward his eyes, and as his child and Jesus's fiancée I need to damn stoked stop.

Going back to rest, and try to reflect on the things I have done..

:c

No one to control me, I'm like a lion unleashed in the city...

too vile, mad, uncontainable.

I can't get carried away with this freedom..

Dear God,

Please guide me again, I don't want to be a lost lamb in this wilderness. I don't wan't to be eaten by the "fox".. or be tortured by any loathsome beast.