I'm not mad

Sometimes men should just take a hint on which is true and which is not true from saying "I'm not mad" from a I'm not mad nga" it sounds complicated but I think you just have to stick with your instinct and or maybe girls should just tell the truth "that they are really mad"

It's been 4 weeks since my last encounter with my boyfriend, *not you know what* I mean meeting up. And its so confusing because, I miss him and it get boring when you don't get to hug and laugh with your other half. Thats why honestly, having a boyfriend is really problematic but I tell you its lots of fun. Especially when you've been together for such a long period already; personally I think there are relationships that last but sometimes don't last any longer. They stay together because of the memories that was shared by each half.

When women get mad, its two sided.. It's either your mad because of something your not pleased of or your mad because you just feel like being. Technically my boyfriend and I; will officially be 3 years by the end of the month. Isn't it great? *IT IS*

Being with him through all these years has been such a blast :) that the point of may be seeing him as my future husband. :] It sounds very fairy tale; but we've been there... to support each other on our down sides. Boyfriends are personalized "teddy bears", they comfort you and take good care of you. They wont let anything bad happen to you, they hug you when you cry and tells you that "I know its hard but you have to be strong and be thankful at the same time". Like any other teddy bear; when your mad you throw a bad fit on them ... that some of the "good ones" around there don't even take it personally when you hurt them. The thought of being a punching bag, rings a bell. *boyfriend = punching bad + teddy bear*

I call him my sweet lover :)

sometimes he just have to take a hint; that I am wholeheartedly not mad.

Once you feel like your getting old; in my opinion thats the time to retire in singlehood and find that "other half of yours". :D

I am not mad sweetie, its okey for you to watch a movie; just remember that I love you and I miss you ever so more. :)

Advance Happy 3rd Anniversary.
I love you

Fear Overwhelms me

What happened today, was unplanned. I do not know how to explain myself, except for beings sorry for making it really big this time around. I have no room for "forgiveness" I should have just stayed at home and bored myself to just doing nothing at all. How can I do this, I need help and no one can help me. Why would sherard do this to me, can't he be at least be on my side to understand and not judge me. IT hurts, I feel a burning hole inside my chest... I always stayed to be this "semi-scratch proof" girl. But now, I am bleeding mentally from what I have done.

I said I was sorry to my mom. I even told her to slap me, that I was truly sorry for doing it. That I didn't mean anything; that my soul purpose was just to do it properly.

At least my brother understood me, I'm sorry! I'm drowning of tears and judgement right now, I can't face my stage nor the crowd I used to perform. It's as if my performance was a disaster, that I can never come back from redeeming myself and performing as to how I used to do it.

I honestly, would want to shut myself down and escape this faces of disappointment. How dare me, to break their hearts their trusts and how they see me. The fact that I was not manipulating who I am, I have never faced feared ever like this before except from my brother's accident.

How can I come back, how will I...

walk again with my head chin up.

I never asked so much in life, except my good education that's all I asked because I know that I have no right to be happy nor to be the person that I am today. I am thankful at the thought that God has created me, I am deeply wounded at the thought of how I do this; how can I go further more.

(The event keeps on flashing back to my memory)

I ask myself if I was bad, but I did tell the Lord that I didn't understand why it happened. But I did not question why.

I closed my eyes for 5 seconds, and saw a rainbow, a straight line shaped rainbow.

I am afraid, I feel dumbfounded on how I an escape and surpass this.

mood: heavy eyes