Vow of Celibacy

So I figured out that I should take a vow to myself; between God and I, that I should be able to not be fallen with sexual temptation. May be after I meet a perfect man or if there is a chance be reunited with him...

Its a bit crazy but I think it will be beneficial for me and for the person who gets to marry me, a little bruise and scratched on my purity wont hurt.

Well I'm just making this official since when we split up, I told myself that I do not want to be tainted by other men's blood and to keep myself from evil temptation.

(will continue later.)

feels a bit sleepy: 6:00am (2:30pm U.S. Time)

continuation...

I was able to think about what I'm suppose to put myself through, even though I currently feel (aych- owh- arh- en- why) read it phonetically.

Celibacy means:

Way of life involving voluntary abstinence from sexual intercourse. In some religions, such as Christianity and Buddhism, celibacy is sometimes a requirement for certain religious roles, such as the priesthood or a monastic life. Other religions, including Judaism, strongly discourage celibacy.

My next plan is:

1. buy a ring that signifies as my purity ring
2. would eventually find a new boyfriend/ fiance
3. date him for awhile

All this plans will only be applied when I get back to Manila, before graduating or may be after my graduation. Time is ticking like crazy, and I believe it would be best for me to really think through what I should start preparing when I get back. Many things will change, but as much as possible I will keep my vow till the end; I will try to exhaust much effort for this to be successful.

I'm not going to be a silly girl anymore, I will try to take chances and at the same time be patient with the things that I'm suppose to be doing for my future; such as the money that I'll be able to save will either be given to my parents for be put to my savings for the future.

Trying to think through the stuffs that I should be handling for the future sounds as if I'm almost to being the "adult" that I need to be; which I don't really want... I'm afraid of growing up, I don't want to learn more things (though I really want to)

I seriously, can't see myself with other men aside from him.

is it bad?

did I get stuck with this person?

and is it bad again?

though, if I'm given a chance to meet a new man,

wouldn't that be great?

what am I afraid of anyways?

what is holding me back?

the fact that he proposed to me before?

(was that puppy thing?)

whispers: (but I know that man, everything he tells me is serious; flat out damn serious)

[I guess he called off the engagement?]

should that sadden me?

Tries to think carefully...

the fact that I love him and it will never ever change; and all I can do is shut my mouth

so that he will be able to live his life peacefully without me. surely that will be a good help right? keeping it damn real?

Has heaven forbidden me not to fall in love with another man? or has heaven forbade me not to fall in love at all?

(sighs; maybe my "Vow" is right on time for this)

My work has been a pain; and its does not give me enough hours to complete my designated hours per week which is starting to aggravate me, BUT I can't show it; because I need to be humble and meek about it.

sob.

I pray ever so deeply.. ={

current mood:

sleepy in a steady way.

Dig Lyrics:

I know you'll act as a clever medicine.

Now, who can be the antidote for this chronic illness that I have?

=(