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Food for Thought:

I put on the full armor of God:
the belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, shoes of the gospel,helmet of salvation. I take up the shield of faith and sword of the Spirit, and I choose to wield these weapons at all times in the power of God. I choose to pray at all times in the Spirit.

30 November 2009

Ice Cream....


Today, It was fun...
went shopping and got what I wanted.. well some are luho and some are my essentials. I went to a buy my ski pants and its pretty cheap serious. :D

I went to buy some stuffs also for myself that is: Headband for my hair... :D


I was suppose to buy Ice cream at the grocery, But!!!
When were almost done, I forgot to get the Ice cream... =( waaah!!
So I still miss you..

and I'm still okey though... The ice cream makes me remind me of you.. and the old us.

I'm near to getting sick.. my throat is pretty darn itchy.. Plus. I don't feel well.

I'm at the laundry room, waiting for the clothes.. Too bad its daylight, and he's out.

=(

I wonder where you are? I know his in school, and the fact that I know you feel sad.. Or should I say, I'm the one who is sad?

I was so grabbed by this line by Bella in New Moon:

Maybe she should have tried to settle into the
leftover scraps of life that were left behind.
Maybe that would have been as close to happiness as she could get
-Bella thinking about Juliet choosing Paris

I miss eating Ice cream,..
I miss riding the bus at rush hour...
I miss being grabbed by the waist and be pulled close...


Doing the right thing takes courage...

28 November 2009

Hiding behind the trees..


I didn't mean to hurt him.. my reason for hiding is because I know his happy and when I try to be around he gets confused..


Now am I playing as a villain instead of the heroine? I feel like crying, I want to be with him but I can't..

I would alway
s pray, that he is okey.. that he is happy..

I'm happy as it is, that I'm able to talk to him. I'm so thankful.. I didn't mean to hurt him.. But why do I bring him agony. Do I really make you sad?

All I wanted was to make him happy, I'm sorry..

Tell me what you feel, I want to know..

Lord God, I close my eyes.. all that flashes in my head is You and him.

I was always here... I never left him, I was in temporary trance. I want.. my warmth.. my refuge? bring me b
ack, should we bring it back? or would you want to take my hand and just enjoy whats in front of us?

Always remember, do not fret.. do not get scared, because I'm here. I trust you.. now please help me.

:(


=(

T_T

26 November 2009

Thanksgiving?

So I spent my day again in the dorm doing nothing... literally and slept and Read New Moon: I don't know what chapter I'm in already but it started making me cry again and made me remember lots of memories that wasn't neccessary. which it irritated me... and so I cried... alone..

I miss him... But I can't miss him... Too bad... :[

I want to do something about it..

Good thing tomorrow, I have work already.

=(

Good Night, thanksgiving wasn't that special day... its just an ordinary day... *bow*

I'm sleepy, may be later I'll continue reading.

I don't feel okey... I'm pretending to be.

25 November 2009

Boredom...

Hello..


:(

I miss you.. sob.

buhu..

24 November 2009

Re: New Moon

I wanted to cry the whole time: while watching New moon... it was so nice, and I feel sad the whole time... I remember tons of things... I miss watching the book at the same time, maybe I should read later... its so sad... huhu!


I miss him... I can't hide it anymore.. I know its bad to miss him... seriously, its not normal anymore and it always pains me to remember him and the memories.. I feel sad but I'm only human, I can't.

I seriously want to stop myself because I know its forbidden, but I don't know how to stop? God is doing a great job helping me be a good girl and always trying to accommodate my thoughts.

:( I feel sad.

I don't want to think about him, its not fair.. and will never be. Maybe I should sleep...

May be, I need a Jacob? but no.. I think I don't need no Edward nor a Jacob.

I want to get drunk and pass out and wake up with a major headache, I have 2 straight day offs and I have no one to go out with or whatever. :[ How sad...

My hands are starting to get dry, it feels weird when no ones cares for you, though I know God is. and I appreciate him very much.

I'm at the laundry room, sitting next to two guys at both my right and left side... quiet and waiting for clothes while: Me= Leeching for free internet... I'll head back to my room, walk... under the dark and star field sky.

=(

21 November 2009

Exploring the local Colorado mountain town

Day 3: November 15th

I woke up pretty early and peed a couple of times, thinking the toilet was locked the whole time; it was just turn anti-clockwise which was weird. I settled down in my bed afterwards, was not able to sleep I woke up at around 6-7am ish and wanted to wake up Jon because I wanted to start the day early and go down to the town.

I was hearing the Indians making breakfast the kitchen and was just being noisy, I wanted to shoot inside the kitchen but I couldn’t it was their time and who gives…

So at around 8:30 ish I took the courage to take a shower because it became quiet and just didn’t mind them, as I open our door: I saw an Indian girl and again my initial reaction was a pleasant “Good Morning” and she was just shocked and greeted me back. I went inside the bathroom and mind my own business and enjoyed the warm water sliding through my skin. After my shower, I went inside and Jon was awake “finally” and he prepared his stuffs and took a bath, after all that we decided to get my stuffs at the temp house. No luck, no body was there so I had to go back in the apartment, Jon went back because he realized that he needed a thermal which he really did need.

So we were off for an adventure for the day, took the free bus shuttle going to the local town pretended not to be tourist and tried to blend in so that the people wont be shooting us skeptical eyes. It was approximately 45mins just to go down the nearest town, but it was because of the stops, as we went down to the last stop; we had to walk back to the nearest outlet stores AND DAMN WAS THAT WIND CHILL I TELL YOU. Jon was like, “I think my ears will be breaking in a while”. We struggled and resisted the cold wind, and stayed in the nearest outlet store and looked around. We went to “Timberland”, Jon looked around and eyed for some non-slip shoes and he found some nice ones and even bonnets that will keep your ears warm. I tell you it was very tempting, good thing I had a good control of this shopping, though I gave in at some point, such a buying, some plate, glass, spork, kettle and 2 pairs of shirt and a bonnet.

Jon was able to buy his non-slip shoes at “Bass” and he was able to save lots of money, around $70, that’s a great bargain from $129. WOOH! We love outlet stores, but I told Jon to take control because he mentioned to me he was an “impulsive buyer”. At around 3ish, we went to a chocolate/coffee store and bought some coffee and warmed up for a bit and waited for the free bus shuttle but “failed”. So then we decided to just walk our way back to the chilling winds and back to the terminal where we got down, but before that we went to 711, to buy some essentials and noodles and chicharon. Ÿum yum.. pork rinds. Then we walked back again and resisted the cooooled chills. We got to the terminal and the keystone bus, just left and had no choice but to wait a couple of more minutes and that was 25 freaking cold minutes. We were both happy even though we froze to death, especially my hand was just plain numb because of the coldness. After seeing the shuttle bus, we were so happy that we’ll be able to warm up- BUT NO: it was still cool and the ride back was still long. No choice… We passed by the church and didn’t see what the schedule was; Jon felt guilty for not going to mass today. I told myself, that I’ll just pray to God personally and thank Him for the gifts he has bestowed upon us for today.

After being dropped at our stop, we realized that it was far and so damn cold; we HAD NO CHOICE again but to walk in the freezing cold. After arriving in our apartment, we were just so happy to be able to feel the slight warmth of the room. We finished our checklist and dropped it over to the laundry room and took my toiletries from the temp housing, there were 2 American boys staying over. Good thing they were nice and told me that my yellow bag was there, MY DAY COULD NOT BE COMPLETED when my dad called and reminded me some stuffs while I shared with him what we did for today. Jon and I ate our cup of noodles dinner and ate and washed up and talked for a couple then decided to crash.

Today was incredible, the experience of being independent and the thought of it just starting will be even be greater. I can’t wait for David and Julia to arrive to experience, what we have experienced.

I’m so Thankful to the Lord God for keeping me safe, I just don’t feel like thinking of anything negative at the moment because, I want to savor this moments and experience.

Here the day await

Day 2: November 14th


So we got up, and realized the Indians weren’t around anymore and may be “Bye bye to them” good ridden. So Jon and I chilled and enjoyed the place for ourselves and watched TV and I had to spray sanitizer inside the whole apartment; because of the wrecked smell. [Sorry I’m not a racist, but the smell is just awful]

We were up early, and Jon’s plan was to go at the housing office and double check if they take traveler’s check. So we just lounging around then, I opened the window and played with the snow and enjoyed the crisp air. Then I saw an incoming group of Indians, heading towards the apartment again; then I yelp “The Indians are coming back” so we rushed and unlocked the door again and went straight to our room. It was as if a zombie was arriving that we were that scared, haha! It was funny, we were telling ourselves; we should have taken a bath already [all the regrets] so stayed in our room and waited and there was a knock on the door, and the Indian called Jon outside and told him they were leaving and said Thank you and shook hands.

ALAS! We got the apartment to us, so I decided to take a bath and Jon went to the housing and inquired, so I enjoyed my bath and took a chance on the warmth of the water. After taking a bath, Jon went afterwards after preparing and all we went back to the River Run Village where the HR office was and waited for Jon’s mom. We took the free shuttle being comfortable; we watched the sceneries in a cold crisp morning of Colorado Mountains.

The shuttle trip was only 10mins away, we brought with us our laptop (and I semi regretted bringing it, it was Jon’s idea to bring it because there was free WiFi at the HR office) So when we arrived, it was early and we went around the River Run Village and took the opportunity to take pictures (The whole time it was so damn cold, my legs were shaking because of coldness and so is my cheeks, hands and ear) You wouldn’t imagine how cold it was BRR… We settled down in a fire pit, a fake one but it had some heat and the boarders and skiers stayed there to keep them warm. I can’t imagine how cold it can be more in those slopes.

When Jon’s mom arrived we said, finally! And it was almost 1:30 and we arrived at the river run at around 10 or 11… and can I just say CRAP? Because we didn’t even eat, all we did was wait… Well I was able to withdraw some money and took the chance in getting; it felt weird because the ATM was not like how I thought it was. So Jon told me I had to take it out. “Sorry naman”

Continuing… Jon’s mom was able to find his 2019 form, and Yey, finally he will be able to settle down and so will I be. Triple GREAT, after doing his papers we then left for the housing and Jon’s mom hasn’t eaten and so did us. What happened next was: we went to the housing and signed and finalize the papers, paid Jon’s mom back; afterwards we got our keys and took our things from the temporary housing and brought our stuffs in our new apartment, Jon’s mom seemed unhappy with our new apartment and I was just satisfied because finally we’ll be able to settle down. Since Jon’s mom shuttle trip was at 3:45 she wasn’t able to eat anymore and Jon accompanied her to the shuttle going to river run while I was left behind, I slowly unpacked my stuffs, pulled out the beddings I brought with me from the Philippines and was just so happy- except for the thought of not having pillows and the bed was cool and the room didn’t have a heater. The room was much much colder, compared to the warm temporary room we stayed.

After settling all my stuffs, I was able to relax and then Jon arrived and he felt sad and wanted to go home he mentioned and I was like: “your just not used to this life, you’ll get over it” Mind over matter, as how others put it. Then I told him, I’m going to take a nap, alright, I’m so tired that I realized I left my toiletries in the temp house huhu L got lazy to get it and decided to get it the next day; and I left him cleaning and settling down his stuffs, I crashed… and literally slept and woke up at around 8ish, I slept at 4ish because it was dark outside already. So woke up, ate fruits and drank water and vitamins, peed and saw our neighbor which was an “Indian” again, no offense. –my initial reaction was too just wave at him because I was that groggy and decided to sleep again.

What a day, I prayed before I slept and took out the book and took a quiet time: to Thank the Lord God for taking care of us.

And tomorrow is Sunday and it’s supposed to be a church day… but we don’t even know where the church is: Tomorrow is adventure day.

What a ridiculous day

Day 1: November 13, 2009

We arrived at keystone at around 2pm ish, the weather was cool and would not feel the elevation of the place. The surroundings are filled with snow already, which is so nice because it’s my first time seeing white and cold snow. I was wearing skinny jeans and my parka, I had my vest inside and a sweater; at first I was still able to stand it. I’ll attach a picture so you would be able to see it.

So we checked-in at the HR office of Keystone at the Silver Mill Building its near where the lifts of snow boarders and skiers go to, that’s why there were lots of lots of people who were in gear: little girls and boys, mom & dads, lolas and lolos most especially teens (whew there were the most weirdest when it comes to the get up; some were wearing really really low insulated pants like saggy pants and bright ones, super super bright ones should I say, like bright screaming neon green/yellow)

During our check in, we were asked to give our passport and ds2019 (it’s a form that’s shows your program and your legal documents why your in U.S.) When Jon gave our passports and my 2019, he thought his was stapled in the back of his passport. So what happened next? –Sadly his mom left it in Denver (yes he had with him his mom the whole time we traveled, which I think is somewhat great but sort of felt like “baby-ed”) The shuttle trip from Denver airport to Keystone costs around $82 one way no tax, and for a keystone employee you get to have it at $62. So imagine this, Jon’s mom was supposed to just drop us off and bid us farewell after the check-in at the office and go straight at the housing. Jon’s mom was forced to go back to Denver and find that document Jon needed, the HR admin mentioned that if he does not find that form the company will be liable and he wont be able to continue his program (Imagine the hassle if that happens? No form No internship Goodbye U.S. Hello Manila and Huhu to Me)

The guy from the HR told us that he’ll place Jon in a temporary housing for now, while I’ll be able to check-in in my permanent room [That was the deal] So after that, we waited for the free shuttle going to our housing and bid Jon’s mom goodbye. The system of the shuttle is quite complicated at first, especially when you feel tired and cold and you had to bring your luggage (The whole time the luggage(s) were with us carrying them around) We rode the shuttle and had to bring it up the bus [heaviness] So when we arrived at the housing, it was already dark but damn it was only 5pm so we got down and had to carry our luggage around and try to figure out where the office is, the snow was thick and we had to brush our luggage(s) with it. So I told Jon, I’m going to stay in this place and you find the office, I’ll stay and keep an eye on the bags. (Damn you wouldn’t dare to do that, it was freaking cold I tell you) So Jon got back and told me that the office was just straight maybe 50 meters from us. And again we had to pull our bags in the snow with great effort because it was so darn cold.

The housing office was tiny and was of square shaped, we were skeptical why there were lots of bags in the hall way, and I tell you plenty (it was left there unattended). I got inside and Jon stayed outside with the cold, so I inquired she was nice at first but she’s a bit confusing. I don’t even know if I’m the one confusing or her, anyway; she asked for my passport and asked a couple of questions and forget to ask me if I was in a college program. So then I mentioned it, and she finally figured it out; so she checked the list in front of her screen and found my name I called Jon because she asked if I had someone with me staying. Guess what happened next? We were “almost settled” then Jon read that “WE DO NOT ACCEPT CASH” and the both of us were like, what the heck? They only accepted personal checks and money order which were not familiar at all…

What happened to us was, we were placed in a temporary housing and we get to settle it the next day. So someone semi-assisted us towards the room and gave us the key, he told us “there will be other people going in later, so I suggest you take one bedroom already” so we did what he said and thought it was a joke. So we stayed in one bedroom, the both of us and the heater was literally “Hot” like almost a sauna type. So we settled our things and told Jon that we’d go to the grocery for dinner and some stuff we need. We bought some microwaveable(s) for dinner, water some chips and breakfast. After that we got back and settled down, then opened our dinner and heated it, then there was a knock and Jon checked it out; I was in the Loo during that time doing no.2

-They were Indians, LOTS OF THEM around 10 and asked if they could crash in since they office was closed and they didn’t have a place to stay [and we had not choice but to let them in] So we stayed the whole time in our room, trying to mind our own business and eat our blessed food. After eating we joked around and took some pictures of us, and opened the window in our room because it was so hot that I think its okey to get some fresh air outside. So we were able to sleep, and the Indians were just noisy but after that they slept. Jon and I got up early midnight, we couldn’t sleep anymore may be because of Jet Lag and had enough of sleep; I was able to figure out that there was internet in my phone and took a chance to email my mom and aunt that we had a problem. So I mailed them and got a reply, we were able to solver our problem: by letting Jon’s uncle sponsor our checks and pay him back immediately, since Jon’s mom will be arriving the next day. Problems solved, we were able to breathe easy because Jon remembered he had a traveler’s check and we used it for the mean time. I had to pay them back a total $557: $250 for deposit and $245 for the rent $62 for the shuttle fair. [yes that’s a lot of money should I say]

Finally our problems were solved, and we were able to rest peacefully and wait for the next day to come.

I don’t get home sick but instead; I just feel like “I wish my love ones were here with me to enjoy this beautiful place”

I need to be strong, at the same time look at the positive vibes of life.

(In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust in your strength. Isa 30:15)

13 November 2009

Hello Colorado

It's my first morning in Colorado, and the weather is bit plump which is making me not "happy" because its sooo cloudy and gloomy.


Anyways, I had a quiet sleep. Super quiet that I could have died, its so silent and deadly but it relaxes me. I woke up at 5:30am and I couldn't sleep anymore, after waking up that early. (im currently hearing crows) how scary..

I woke up and checked the window, it was cloudy and thats all i can say, and the neighbor's dog saw me at the window peeping and they are like barking. LOL 2 huskies and a retriever. Awh i miss Zyra.. huhu!

Now, I'm chatting away with my mom and she's been asking me questions that I really don't know how to answer. This situation I have being a "saling kitkit" is just plain weird, well rather than being with carlos who'll get lost or whatever. haha!

Here's a picture of me right now, currently loving the cool crisp feeling.

I hope the weather up in the mountains wont literally kill me, I miss so many people right now; one person I miss- How I pray he'd be here with me to enjoy the place and the weather. *sigh*

Next Stop: Snowy mountains of Colorado

12 November 2009

Touch down

So here I am typing... I'm here in Colorado already, though I'm not yet in the place where I'll be taking my internship. Tomorrow will be our last trip, and thats our last stop- Keystone is the destination.

The snowy rocky mountains of Colorado? So am I really ready for the death freezing snow and wind chill?

No choice, the weather is great and I'm just feeling confused with the time and the sleep patterns are so ridiculousy random. grabe... can I just say, but I'm enjoying. Had a safe and enjoying trip,

I'm going to be so excited for the white powdery snow. I'll try to post some pictures when I get to keystone.

au revoir~

a bientot

10 November 2009

Happy as a Camper

I'm really happy right now, that my heart is truly contented on what it has been filled with. Emotions are running wild, but I surely will keep a dead face.


Now now... I'm SO happy. GOD! I TRULY LOVE YOU, YOU ARE MY LOVER AND MY FRIEND. I'm so happy Lord God, to be blessed by your Love and Kindness; today I have realized more. Today, I will continue to burn and accept your Love. I do not feel tensed, but instead; I feel relaxed and light. As if a good revelation has peeled itself from the fiery leaves? *I wonder*

The thought of me being dead face right now, doesn't even show how much my emotions inside my system reflects. *I am truly that good to be a Stoic*

Tonight, I was able to talk to him. My sweet sweet lover, whenever I see that face it makes my heart melt. Being with him makes me feel literally and emotionally secure and safe, though it feels awkward I didn't mind the 12 inch gap. I do not feel the hurt anymore, but the emotions stay close and intact with each other. Everyday I pray to God to help me continue with my life, and I have proven that God is the key to this healing heart. I have him right now as my romancer and lover, some things are meant to be unspoken.

I'm a person who actually needs attention, love and caring: not all people knows I'm over sensitive. Because I've realized that, I want to be a person who goes with what my heart feels like doing. Now, I'm happy. just just happy. That I don't care what the Evil crap is whispering in my ear, I feel so Loved by God Himself and by the unspoken lover.

Whatever the future bears, I'll be ready: Now, God will hold my hand in exchange for the empty shoes that someone has left behind. I will pour out my heart for Him and dedicate my love for Him. This journey of mine, that I'll be holding, it will be something great and worst. I may fall down many times in this journey; I know I wont be alone spiritually. Mentally; I have faced this facts that I will be dealing this by myself but I will be letting Him drive this life of mine.

I will inhale a deep and fresh air, this is not a *sigh of grief* but instead this will be a way for me in showing that. "World here I am... I am ready"

I'm just:
in high spirits; satisfied

Synonyms:

blessed, blest, blissful, blithe, can't complain, captivated, cheerful, chipper, chirpy, content,contented, convivial, delighted, ecstatic, elated,exultant, flying high, gay, glad, gleeful, gratified,intoxicated, jolly, joyful, joyous, jubilant,laughing, light, lively, looking good, merry,mirthful, on cloud nine, overjoyed, peaceful,peppy, perky, playful, pleasant, pleased,sparkling, sunny, thrilled, tickled, tickled pink,up, upbeat, walking on air



I'M JUST SIMPLY HAPPY!!!! EXCITED: LORD I AM READY TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU MORE.