Tonight is a quiet Sunday, I am able to relax think less and is able to type in my blog again. It's almost the end of the month, and how else should my head think now? Since anything is possible, that not everything can be attain at your own will but instead in God's time it can.
I never liked the quality *personality* that I have when it comes to comparing myself with another person, it usually happens when my head lapse and when I'm not in control of my thinking ways at the same time when I'm just simply insecure about myself.
Cat- a friend of mine mentioned to me that: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well" -Psalm 139:14
I personally would want to stop myself from being a person that I am not, example are: going out and drink till I puke and be dizzy, party out with friends, get wasted, dance with other people. I guess I'm just that person whom I really think, my guard is always up? That I don't easily fall on the ground or surrender, but there are times that it happens you just simply fail and give up for no odd reason.
Everyday, I confess my sins to God and to the Holy Spirit; that I sin because satan pushes me to do bad. Its an instant reaction to my being, that I would have to ask for forgiveness with the Lord because he can forgive and save me.
It's been tough, living in this state; trying to be okey as much as possible and to ignore the sorrows that make you remember what just happened. Would it be even be better to have just a companion than to have a lover on the side. It's hard to accept, but your left to one simple answer "acceptance", you redeem yourself by accepting the mistake or even forgiving what went wrong. Submit yourself to what is in front; never put yourself in jeopardy or a situation that you think does not have an escape pod.
I HAVE COME TO LEARN AND UNDERSTAND: That I have to let go, I need to restrain myself, I would say that its best surrender, to stop listen- then think of what your suppose to reply or say.
I am in deep stressful position, I am tired of worrying- I am tired of being insecure- I am trying to be ready to let go- I am not a heartless person to just let things not affect me (emotionally)
I want to stop thinking of my previous half, I want to temporarily release him in my mind and let the Lord do His ways on me at the same time with him.
The fact that I know: I'll be able to do this with God's help and not with the influence of any evil doings. I believe, I will be a better person for him or for whoever person who can love me again.
(Instead of studying and doing my tourism paper; I am stuck here releasing my thoughts emotionless.)
God, You are the only Highly Being who will be able to help me in this situation. I will be able to do this with your guidance and only yours.
[It seems like I'm sleepy, and a best way for me to divert my attention is to rest and may be lay off my head with irrelevant thoughts]
Dear God,
I am thankful that you are my friend, that you have given me friends that could hear me and love me for who I am. I will believe in inner beauty, that I will try my best to not put myself down but rather I will maintain and balance myself to appreciate my whole self because I am made by You and Only You.
~a demain
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