*she deserves better*

"she deserves better"

The first phrase I just noticed from the movie I can only hear and not see.

What's wrong with a all the "womanizer" thing for men, why is it always the women's fault for the (forbidden encounter) It always gets in my nerves, thats why whenever my boyfriend is gone it feels like that "he's cheating on me" even though he is not.

I never wanted the feeling of thinking bad things towards my boyfriend because I fully know that he doesn't like it and at the same time I do not also. It aggravates him and so is me, it feels like he's temporarily gone yet I don't know what else to think about; "I don't know how to contact him in ways of: texting, calling or even IM-ing him"

I don't want to be the origin and the root of how he feels toward me, that I'm the epicenter of the catastrophe were in. Why am I so confused and scared, that I'd always want to be with him; always wanting to feel loved at the same time. *darn this tears are failing me again*

I care for him so much because; in my very own belief he is the only man who could comfort me and at the same time destroy and hurt me and at the same time put me back to pieces again. I sound such a martyr or whatever you'd want to call me' but I'm getting older and he's the only person I could trust my life with. Also, you can think that I'm a bit selfish for closing my heart only for him.

The Lord has always showed me plenty of signs and explanation that "Sherard" is truly for me; though we have a little hard time just to understand each other often times, still I want to continue my relationship with Sherard even though we fight big time and end up hurthing each other's ego.

Our sacrifice was always for the sake of each other's "happiness" I hope that he feels that I try to reciprocate the sacrifice he shows me and rewards him with a bountiful gift in return. It was never a favor because we so loved each other that we closed our doors for other people to enter it. Like any typical relationship; we want to be stronger and we want to keep our ties bonded and glued together. We never thought of something bad to each other; except when it's a joke or some topic just came up for us to play around with. My point is that; it's hard not to think of the other party to just behave or "would he cheat on me"

-My cousin would always say that it's a worldwide phenomenon; it always happen on marriages. Why am I so afraid of getting cheat on? *is it because he might do it to me?*

We were never vocal to public how we are as a pair; but what we do is that we act like as a couple, a pair with nothing to hide nor boast just the normal individual who we are. (I got nothing to explain to the public; who are they to judge a stranger or so the unknown?)

The both of us consider each other as family, spiritual and physical. It has come to a point that I never seem to feel bothered how my biological family feels toward him; why? because it will not be them who would be living with him. *why not meddle with your own life* My father is a very hard worker and provides us with a good healthy living; in return what I can only repay him is to be a good daughter and to give back what he had given us originally. At times, why does one parent just have to be the meticulous strict and overpowering you with decision and stiffly pushes you to do something you never liked but they'd think in their own part *you deserve this kind of living* because I provided you "this and that..." and I do not want you to live in a poor and harsh condition....

( family attachment to one's offspring)

I've actually read from the bible in the book of Genesis, that daughters were given to men who were rich and be gifts in exchange of something so and so.... As we continue how our world changed, women still pays the price for eternal debt.

I love my other half very deeply, and I'm so thankful that the Almighty one has given him to me.

[needs to sleep, because her mom thinks she's very stubborn and never listens to her]

"at times: it pays the price of listening to the parents" = it's just too hard to be controlled by them.

Mood: sleepy, and misses sherard so much.

P.S.

It's my dad's birthday today and at the same time "Thankgiving day for my brother's monthsary eye event"

must read this link: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/34641481.html