A lazy sunday weekend

It feels quite unusual to feel this sudden heat stroke and uneasy-ness. The weather outside feels just quite fine, but inside this well lighted house feels this under normal stiff ness. I guess because the folks aren't here and its less crowded, but I've come to my conclusion that its not because of that. The oldies are out for an out of town trip at their cousins place; I don't really like the feeling of going out of town with this slight empty handed feeling for last week's encounter which was pretty much less compared to other weeks that I've endured.

I've already got my midterm grade, it was different it was more and more under special. Its becoming to be a generic event in my life... I got a one 5 and it was my culinary class. I feel dumb founded to get that grade, I know I'm going to start being serious with the lecture class- to start of I am serious about it. I just can't comprehend why I got a failing grade, I'm too tired to argue with other students or either to address it towards the professor. I need to pass the subject with a flying color; plus I'd have to take the "servsafe" exam one more time. Plus hearing from other students that I can't get a "culinary internship" unless I finish 5 more culinary classes, thats just simply too much to handle and absorb for the week. Last thursday was a useless day also, setting up a general assembly for org members which was less members arrived the following day I had to go a semi-hindrance meeting with the student council together with my fellow org officers. The following day was also a "Berlin's wall" went to NSTP class for nothing, the only productive thing I did was to accompany erica to the salon to get a haircut. I clearly remembered that I texted my boyfriend that morning saying to visit me that afternoon, on my way home I didn't get a text from him. I was too tired to argue nor address it towards him, when I got home it was so warm and an unpleasant feeling; as I arrived my mom didn't prepare me lunch I felt pretty frustrated and told her "where's the lunch" and she started telling me there was food and etc at the dinning table which was empty so I went back to my room and wept for a short time just so I could go to sleep off my frustrations... I wanted to spend the day with my boyfriend, but instead my hotheadedness overwhelm my irritance.

Currently: the weather inside this room is pretty warm. I'll be going out in a bit, maybe watch a pleasant DVD just to take off my head in a much relaxed atmosphere. I'm still waiting for my boyfriend to reply at my text. My nose is still stucked with goo and uneasy feeling. The warmness is burning my skin. I guess its one of those days...


Mood: couldn't think straight

Touch and Smell

Goodness, the feeling of seeing my boyfriend was like eating a luxurious chocolate. (he was so cute wearing that pink barong) haha!

I totally adore you my boyfriend. :D Specially when I kissed you in your cheek, you had a certain scent which originates from your neck area. Smelled so manly and powdery like, it was pretty subtle and gentle in the nose. I want to see you again... and sit beside you, our bus trips together are soo short (I swear) but I guess its better than nothing at all.

denada. (your welcome)

I want to know what you think kasi... that's why I want you to comment. Well life is a big "bias" my love and I have come to try and adapt to it. [I believe]

I miss your surprise visit at my house. sob!

One down again..

A week just has finally passed again. This is starting to feel weird, my dreams are just totally scary..

I guess, it has a meaning but I just plainly don't want to interpret it because I do not have such basis but this week's dreams are just simply scary.

My dream last night was too dark and outrageously different... o.o)

and now, I'm growing sleepy.

I have a class pa tomorrow. sob~ till 5pm. oh college life


I bet you it will rain: the weather this afternoon was insanely humid and hot.

How dare he..

I know he's some kind of a genius and he's IQ is highly superior than mine, but what's wrong with his attitude it's freakishly killing my blood circulation and to tell me watch and think what I'm saying or my attitude? AND! "lahat ng ayaw mo nasusunod" [what's up with that?] All the things that I don't like -will be compromised?{always raw} So basically, I get to be viallain again. Yes, I am declaring my defeat now not because out of sarcasm but, because of that "male ego"has struck back.

Gawd. I know I'm not intelligent, but I know when small issues are not to be talked about but damn (that totally backfired and started a spark out of me) It's not even enough that I'm having bad lucks and unfortunate events in the start of my year....

I am seriously declaring my defeat for this year: I am a total loser for this year. It's always been an epic battle for me.. though I'm not the hero, I'm just the villain.

you darn winrar you totally dissed and messed my night.

(ooh, flames quivering in my back and in my mental sanity)

Mood: ready to scream at someone and throw a dozen of eggs on a clown

Where has my "Luck" gone to?

It's only been the second week of the year and it seems like fate has taken me to indifferent paths... too much wreck... unpleasant encounter... as if I have a big imaginary "bad luck" sign on top of my head or so.. or like in death note the one that has an indication that I'm number so and so... This is getting too much attention, as if my soul's getting dilapidated with the obstacles.. my mental sanity is turning dry turnip.

Don't worry babe, I don't blame you for the forgotten blazzer. It's how life go, come as you please and leave as you please. (It's okey, don't take it too personally, I should have not asked you to carry it... *I hate flashbacks*)

I'd have to stop the day dreaming and all.. sob.
keep your head on the game.

I still have a kitchen class tomorrow and would
have to wake up pretty early tomorrow. sob.

(mom was just as disappointed to the NTH time already)
I have no face to show of the people here at my home.

Dragons are pretty unlucky this year in chinese horoscope.. I guess it's coincidence or what.

Mood: empty, total black hole
Music: try by nelly furtado.

but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow

Total Frick fudge

This feels pretty frustrating... I just almost finished a blog entry and my so called whatever just ditched me. cookies.. add blockers.. and the drafts just suddenly poofed. err. and oorh... pretty frustrated.

(my eyes hurt because of crying and my chest continuously hurt because of the cramps that I feel because of sadness.) the blog entry was almost to perfect because it was exactly what I was @ presently feeling awhile ago.
sleep ahead.... can not contain the anguish.

nao... it just makes me feel more sad. I feel hurt. I lost my self esteem. I feel unworthy, empty and speechless. I'm a reckless schmuck...

I am oversensitive and... this is who I am. I do my best to always wear my happy mask to hide away the true sad face that I have. Try to wake up for almost 2 decades and be someone who you try to be... but not wholly who you are.

need to wake up early...

Mood: sad like a damned princess
Music: moonlight sonata

Feels more in love...

I felt so in love... more in love that is. AWH Sherard, your the only man who makes my heart beat go faster and slower.

For the past 2 days my boyfriend has been visiting my house which is good so that he can make "pogi points" with my mumsie. He's totally adorable, soo noisy and intellectual. :D (lover boy, I love you! muwah)

Last night, I played with my chicken and fish I used tillapia which was pretty hard. eer... too slippery~

To my boyfriend: I feel more in love with you. :)

Mood: flying in the clouds (pink castle)
Doing: stalling, needs to study for midterm. I pray to God I shall pass.

How did my day go?

Today was a pretty fine day because I visited my boyfriend, I just dropped by....

Going to school from house has now be come more easier for me and I am very much thankful of the Lord. (Thank you Lord for you gift) Timing, on my way out of the house the weather was pretty dark and sad and it was pretty funny because it was almost 6:00 or something ish in the morning and totally the skies were pretty dark I tell you. When I took off, it started to drizzle and how I hate those rain especially with a car the windshield is pretty nasty too murky though next time I should put some kind of windex or whatever I can get. It was a safe trip, and still a dark morning... By the time I arrived, my fellow classmates were still in the lobby lounging around but it was almost 6:40 something -- our class actually starts at 7 in the freaking morning. (whew) I went straight to the lady's room and fixed and [whadya know, Mika was already there (a close friend of my mine)] I told her immediately that we head up to the kitchen already since it's almost 15 minutes before 7:00 so when we arrived we were so "bibo" that we were the two people again who arrived early {hoho~ needs to impress the chefs ei} To cut the long story short: our task were to make fish farce (stuffing) for a change, fillet 2 kinds of fish 2 soles and 3 bisugos. {she likes filleting it was fun, far easier than a poultry). My hands smelled like some eewhy fish [yes, I know I am a drama queen] I took off its gills, fins, liver, kidney and I believe the heart? <3>your professor's not in.) Good ness gracious, So before that waiting we actually went to McDo and ate a yummy burger {she can't believe that her system has already accepted burger, that's why she's cute and chubbylicious} After the waiting part and getting disappointed because the professor was absent... I decided to go home early and visit my boyfriend, when Erica heard that I was going home she too declared for a day, I dropped her off on the top of the hill and went directly home (my boy's home) the journey was pretty short and safe and I felt happy because I was again able to conquer a new obstacle [yeeh!] I informed him that I was near and even threaten him that I'd go home since he doesn't want to go out of his house. [such a cute moment] at first sight and touch I attacked him with my yearning kiss. "I missed him so much, I swear I was really happy"..... after the happy time, my mom started to call and text me getting pacnicky and wanted to know where I was which I actually replied; I was on my way home. :D hah! ---then she called again on my way home, I told her I was already in the village then she remembered: "bili ka na rin ng manok mo sa palengke" I was like, "ano?" Then I was defeated I bought a whole chiken wearing my kitchen uniform, it was pretty awkward. err. :p ~as the night fell, I started cheking my notes and study some of the sauces in advance to remember and retain it in my head, just 30 minutes or so ago; I was actually trussing the poulrty in our chicken trying to remember how to properly truss it. {though I remember how to clean it} arr! I couldn't remember and the poor photocopy quality of the hand out totally left me dazed and irritated. untill now.... now.... I am left with the question of: how do you properly truss a chicken in a french style? answer: Je ne sais pas. aiyayay!!

-needs to wake up early pa tomorrow. rawr~ hope I can go home early tomorrow. and still I pray for good plans for our mini vacation next week, hopefully no flaws and stiches.

Mood: TOTALLY sleepy. trance.
Mantra: so in love with him... so in love with him.

P.S.
I love you o thou poultry, help me get a 1.25 or 1.5 also I borrowed a big ass book from the library about 3 inches thick. hah! but It's soo nice, I really want one.

first week

Quite controversial, it's only the first week of the new year yet it feels like so heavy. My boyfriend hasn't accessed the net properly for almost 3 days now which is starting to irritate me because I miss him already.... HUHU! sob. totally I don't even know if I'm crying so that I can sleep tonight. :( I miss him so much already that I don't want to hang out in malls all alone or stay in school and wait, that's why I go home straight after class. Being bashed by a news that (midterms is coming up for our culinary class) darn it big time~ plus a suppose to be HW which we did in class awhile ago. err~ my friend and I were actually late. [I actually thought that the professor wasn't there, because usually she is absent]

Come~ Tomorrow is kitchen day, which I don't really know what would we be doing, err. I need to study hard for that midterm. {learn how to prepare a francaise stock style} What you get in paying such an expensive school. wake up early and leave home at 6:45.

Earlier: right after our first class which started at 8:00 to 9:30am, we went to 711 because establishments were still closed and we arrived at the mckinley strip at around 10ish something the only- the "open" were only McDo and starbucks... never ending plus the 711 so we decided to stay there, it was pretty nice because we stayed there till we get bored and talked about gossips and news and updates about school, celebrity and life. It was nice because I was able to talk with my friends just the same as before (last year) I guess it was good that nothing much have changed....

MY sister just turned on the TV which is starting to irritate me because my momentum is crashing down.... and my head is too. I miss my boyfriend, he hasn't come back in YM. err! I miss him.

I need to study: trussing of chicken and stock and study a dish (french)

Mood: misses him. so sad.
Music: poker face

P.S.
Hun I miss you so bad. :c were still on for tomrrow right? your going to my house remember?

A last night to enjoy

I guess the title says it all, it's pretty sad yet pleasant to feel that school is starting again. Half of me says yay to school but half of me says neigh for school, why you ask... Simple, every student's only grease to go to school is because of allowance second is friends and booze as for me I enjoy going to school because it gives me a chance to see my friends and my boyfriend . Especially now that we have a same schedule of dismissal (pretty excited though) half of me says no because of school works and pressure from lessons -I do appreciate some of the professors but some are just so dragging.. yawn. For the past weeks, I was able to unwind and relax though I wasn't much to progressive because all I did I guess was just to read and read and check mail and do some yoville which was my sort of a vice aside from my boyfriend. (wink) I did get to prepare some lunch and dinner with my uncle which were to be serve for my aunts and uncle.

Christmas break was pretty slow I guess, for the 3 weeks of vacation my boyfriend and I only met 3 times also. It's pretty sad though I guess its meant to be, it's been like that seeing each other only on weekends if there is time and money plus if his parents permits it. I guess this year will be his new start.. since he'll be permanently legal this year and I for one will be most certain to be more than legal this year.. sigh I don't want to hear that 21... ahh! the total horror of it, and for one I don't even know how to act 21- how do people act when there 21 anyway? (much oblivious here)

... I'm still waiting for my bear though, I guess I can't really drag the topic much to my boyfriend since money is pretty much a soft topic from now on. sob! I want to help him, I want to try to not be to whiney, but I don't how whiney is define now since my boyfriend compares whiney to almost similar words with it. (starting to feel like an understatement)

---My boyfriend visited me yesterday it was around 3-ish in the afternoon the weather was still nice and cool and breezy and it felt good on the skin again. So when he texted me, I instantly zoomed out of the room ~before he actually arrived he told me in the text that I need to go out as quickly as possible so I was like okey fine. So when he texted he was already outside and then I thought he was... well he wasn't... He hates the thought of me going out after a minute fAnyhoo, it wasn't much an issue, when he arrived I immediately hugged him and he was just being plainly a stubborn he would not go close to me.. so I told him can you go near me please? So I stood up and he said, much better you should have stood up in the first place. (whatever) I was just extremely happy that he was there and we spent the whole afternoon together, it was just sad that I had to cry twice that day because of his being him... When he declared that he needed to go home, I insisted on dropping him off somewhere so I drove him off to somewhere near where he can get a ride. The couple of minutes being spared for us was too dramatic inside my head... It made me more sad. Just like right now... (too much sadness whirling inside my head right now) The moment was there, and he had to go down the car... It wasn't a good- good bye! Because he didn't want to... err... I can't even remember if he kissed me. The trip back home was pretty lonely, and it turned nostalgic.. When I got back from home, I ate a little dinner and I was off to my room and good news as it was we still didn't have internet.. (the whole day we didn't have internet) He texted that he left his ring in our bathroom, so he did plus his plaid handkerchief which my mom said he left. Before sleeping we still texted and teased each other, then after a couple of messages I gave up and told him that im crashing already then he sent his last message and before I slept I took his handkerchief and placed in near my face (the smell was like: laundry detergent and a little familiar scent of his own) then I drift off to my sleep.

fast forward to present: It's my last night of freedom and I'll drive to school tomorrow and I just heard from Babita (schoolmate in college) that our CA midterms is near... this weekend ( I totally froze when she said that, as if a huge anvil smashed me) So as a closing note: boyfriend's not yet home and I found out in "ohnotheydidnt" that Robert Pattinson and Nikki Reed are going out. /ugh

Mood: frustrated as a foie gras
Music: crickets (total silence)

Bed Bum (great cool day)

It was a peaceful and pretty much a lovely day, I was able to wake up early today. I actually woke up around 8:30am so yeah, I got up from my dream because my circulation was killing me. My dream felt very weird that I instantly tried to forget it, so now I can't recall and share it with you; my memory is failing me now. (I guess because I don't necessarily want to remember and now what it was)

After peeing, my mom saw me and told me to eat some breakfast my original plan was actually to pee and get back to bed but since I was up why pass up for a meal again, then I decided just to eat. After eating breakfast I decided that I'll sleep afterwards then just stay in bed for the whole; but then again myself failed me again because she decided a new path and that was to open the laptop and sit for 2 hours and check some mail and etcetera, I actually waited also for my boyfriend to wake up knowing that he stayed up pretty late just to finish his sibling's room. (painting: chicken pie) Then yeah, it was already 12 something and he was still asleep so I decided to eat actually my mom called me to eat but before that, I was actually reading some articles about relationship and took notes in my not so secret notebook and started listening to some classical music: there's this playlist in imeem that I really enjoy. And Dubussy's Claire de lune was also there, that playlist was pretty old; I've been listening to it for almost a year now. And I can try to remember that was my favorite before, aside from symphony no.7 of Beethoven.

After eating lunch; I went back to my laptop and contined what I was doing. The day was pretty much cool again and it was nice and soft in the skin, no sweat actually broke into my pore and heaven my bed was nice and cool I enjoyed it; by the time my boyfriend IM-ed me in the messenger it was because he informed me that he was going out with his family. At first I thought he was asking me to go out; (fiddle sticks) yes I was envious he was going out to his family but then again I tried to shove the thought out and turned it into a positive one saying "it's been a long time since they went out in the mall as a family so don't get so envious of it" I admit I am sometimes the martyr and not the best girlfriend a man can have but I try do my best to be someone whom he can like for who I am and show that I truly care for him.
--- so as the hours passed, I was able to kick some things of my to do list and told my self I need to do this something to start for the year. I guess I felt so bored and empty handed I tried to keep myself un-idle at all, I decided to read New Moon again and try to follow Meyer's advice of reading it twice so that you can appreciate Jacob [but honest to the moons of the planet: Jacob's the least of my favorite though I also believe the author made a pretty darn nice conflict of the story though yeah I'm not a fan of him even though he some what resemble of my boyfriend ] Then I started reading, it was too dragging because I already knew the story and how the flow would be going plus how it will end but still I tried to focus and dismay my believes that its not like that yata yata... then at around 3 something in the afternoon I started feeling sleepy... (I guess the book made me sleepy, it wasn't that enticing as before) The cool bed and breezy weather made me want to sleep like a princess and so I did....

I woke up at 5:05 pm, which was again dragging because I know I wanted a more fathomable sleep... Then I decided no, since it will be hard if I wake up late and sleep more late. (sigh) When I got up, I remember I was hearing my brother talking in the background while I was sleeping and I felt my laptop died when the electricity died for a couple of minutes and then went back but I still continued my state of rest; it was some pretty darn light sleep I had there I was still conscious of what was happening outside my sleep. Then I breezed it through, went to the toilet to piss and got some chocolates for my afternoon snack {those chocolates were pretty darn good, it felt like it's been years since I ate my last chocolate } So when I got the chocolates from my mom's ref and right away ate it, felt good! So I walked back to my room and opened my laptop again, and lay in bed for a couple of minutes and watched some nerdy channels such as national geographic and CNN. After finishing my chocolates I went back to the ref, heading for those yummy chocolates again my mom and sister was there; I opened the door and she told me "were hearing mass" and I gave her a disgusted face and she told me back "what's with the new facial expression" and my sister replied "that was my facial reaction when she said that" so quickly I got a new barlet of chocolate and 3 kisses. [those chocolates were heave] so I went to the toilet again and peed for some reason, then I realized we shoudl hear mass and not shove Jesus just because we heard mass the other day. I got up and told my mom, lets just go to hear mass since my sister was less interested so I got back to the c.r. and washed my hands. Then she was gone and so we dressed up and got ready for mass.
-- during the mass it was more less formal than other sunday mass or saturday since it was only a first friday mass of the month. During mass, I try to devote myself and think less of whats happening outside the church plus I like the small and less crowded set up it makes me feel cool and relax just like the day. The mass ended quickly and the trip home sped quickly, now I lay here in my bed typing... [oh yes, my boyfriend did some what contact me after his family day. I was happy he was able to bond with his family.] oh yes! not to forget I watched stardust this morning that was what I did before sitting in my laptop after breakfast I watched and stayed in my cool bed.
.....going back... my boyfriend called, I saw the called I.D. flashing my boyfriend name with no hesitations I answer the call with all joy and smiles in my face. My heart fluttered after hearing his croaky just woke up voice he's always been like that but it's actually cool because he has a enjoying singing voice. We talked for a couple of minutes; I kept on saying I love you to him and it made him all blushed even though I don't see him i always feel it. I can see his smile again stretching till my position, it was pretty quick and I keep on stalling him before he puts down and say good night before saying good bye I told him my usual lines like: I love you and I miss you, good night and lastly sweet dreams I knew he didn't much have dreams neither does he remember of it actually feels sad. I guess I would just have to always remind him before he sleeps.... My young prince who is always very faithful and loyal is really worth my love and care.


I'm off to dreamland..
Attached: The protagonist in the movie Stardust, I find his British accent really charming!
Mood: Happy and pretty excited to see him
Song: Moonlight Sonata or Claire de Lune

Its the start of 2009

I can't believe, I wasn't able to do much of entries for the 2008 I guess it didn't really much matter especially it was the weirdest among all the years that has already passed... Well I was somehow special in a way, because I officially welcomed my boyfriend into collegiate life which was pretty interesting for him because he adapted to the life pretty easily with little much effort, isn't it hunny? Anyways, there were plenty of things that was left undone and was successfully accomplished which was pretty good for starters, the second quarter of my year was actually a good month. The end of the first semester of school, I was lucky enough to be a dean's lister for the very first time for almost 3 years in college pretty much a goal setting for me though I'm not actually yearning for more of those titles i guess all I can do in my party now is keep where I am and do the things I love. Second semester of school was pretty good, my majors classes are pretty fun especially the French Chef who doesn't much show intimidation and superiority to Asians.

I've also accomplish to keep my heart in tack, my love for Sherard is still running and fortunately still getting stronger and stronger which is super COOL. Just this december we had a thing for the twilight thing, yes the so called world wide "new phenomenon" so yeah he finished the 4 1/4 books in a week or whatever.. that freakishly geek boyfriend of mine. Well I was able to finish the books for almost 3 weeks, since I had school I found a little less time to read the book and shove and quickly finish my school works. haha~ I hope I didn't mess up that much. I'm not a fan of the MOVIE like Twilight Fans wagon thing, I did enjoy the book and it was really really nice. It's very ambitious yet soo enticing to read (non-stop) I did find some of the hero's trait in my boyfriend and the heroine's trait with me which was pretty sad because we were the same in a ways like being a clumsy and danger magnet. SOB! I would choose to read Edward's Midnight Sun over and over again. AHH! It's very enjoying, I can't wait for the new moon's movie though I know I'll get disappointed after not seeing some parts which will be cut and be edited in the movie itself - Less I'll still wait for it.

It's the new year, the first day of it that is. It's been pretty slow, everything this year will probably wont be the same at the previous years, which I did notice in our Christmas. )Christmas spirit in our place was pretty much delayed and has be overpowered by the people here in our home, it's less enjoying I need to be honest it wasn't the best after all those 20 years of my life( in which case it's my 2nd decade of life. (sigh) I wonder how Edward goes to live on 107 years... woooh. haha! that's pretty pale and bland just like some jacob unsalted crackers, doing everything in a unifrom process - no thrill? So I hope this year will be a great one, I hope Sherard's love for me wont change because surely I wont after the revelation I have finally shared with him. I'm pretty much happy with him and this kind of state, I don't want to jinx anything but were all pretty much aware that happy endings don't always end in a happy way. Too much classical music, nostalgic and melodramatic tones melancholic. Scmuck~ I just finished 4 movies since last night, haha!

I love you Sherard!