it's my life's anniversary

So it's been a really long time since my last post... such controversy has happened in my life that it feels like I'm burning some time but I beg not to argue with myself in opposing what's really in store for me. While wasting time, I haven't been really honest with myself and haven't straighten up some kinks up my sleeve not that I've been quite a player or anything. God only knows how semi pathetically clean and bare I am this couple of months. It's almost a two year mark now to be exact, pretty much proud of being a celibate until this stage even if a lot of people around me are a bit the bad influence [very thankful of the Lord] twenty three is now permanently the mark I carry. I guess today's a very special for me the fact that I was conceive this exact day twenty four years ago... Dear Lord God, I am very Thankful of my parents. I may seem to look unhappy but perhaps this is just a little sacrifice I would have to shoulder by myself. Greetings from a lot of thoughtful people gave me a good security that I still had a handful of good individuals around me...

Happy twenty third to me.


bisous

Dear Blog,

Its been awhile... or should I say its been sometime? Haven't been really opening you since I dont know when--- and that was like two months ago and actually opened you in a BB. *such a hassle typing in a tiny claustrophobic keyboard* 

Moving on, TODAY! yes today, was a very tiring day indeed! What did I do? Applied for several jobs in attempt to find my DREAM job which is... (croak background) dang! I am seriously dumb founded, I'm starting to get a very anxious feeling- The feeling of the lone ranger! Oh please no, thats the least thing I would want to happen to me. The fact that I'm a self professed "anti social" would make it even worst... ANYWAYS, by the end of the night I got stuck with this website on applying as an "au pair" am I sensing a question mark in your face? Well to enlighten you, an au pair  is actually a "nanny" more formal term they would use to address a nanny. Nevertheless, you might think WHY THE HELL would she should apply as one? (contemplating her words) 

Most probably because its one of the few things in life I would want to fulfill, plus I'm pretty young should I say. I wouldn't really want to experience being a nanny if I'm older than of my present age, you know what am saying? (no?) fair enough, well I'm still thinking about it.... I guess this whole thing about being a "butler" crap is driving me nuts again. How I easily get indoctrinated with books, [whispers, But I love books] 

I feel like crap, my back hurts from sitting the whole day in front of the laptop fixating on finding a real job. I still have approximately three months to go before I officially graduate from college, what a total drag indeed. [inserts image: sitting beside a pool] 

Anyways, I'm officially crashing.. My throat is really figuratively being scraped with a fish scaler... *coughs like a baby* Calling it a night. 

Post- Happy New Year! 

Hoping for the best this year. got tons to update you with my life. :)

Bonne Chance

I'm thinking, if your really in love with the person little things still matter to you, correct? What more are the bigger things? Why do we like to contradict one's opinion, why do we prefer to take stand instead of laying down the sword and take defeat in the battle. In love, what is really correct? To be overly secure or to be insecure? We ourselves make it more complicated, the issue with Love is easy. "Love and be loved" we tend to misinterpret one's opinion if the real answer to 1+1= 2 we now then ask "why two is the answers, and then we baffle ourselves to another theory that why not 3 or 4" at the end of the day, "Love is all the matter, faithful and forever" I remembered my friend he taught his 5 year old niece with this love song lyrics. May be I'm not ready for the thing called love, but I am ready to Love God and give my whole heart to Him because I know He won't hurt me. There are still so much that I need to know and comprehend in this child like head of mine. By break of day, "Love makes the world go round" Thank you God for this wonderful day, you have given me the oppurtunity to read about some stuffs that I now have better understanding. Ciao amour.

So here I am, back in the game! What do you know? I'm starting again I just finished another part of my life again, would you believe that? Its actually kind of scary now, your more prone to be coming one of the "bums" which I don't really want to be at the moment. :c I feel so lost, I left my laptop at my friend's place and its almost a week now. Poor baby not being used for a week. I was online in YM earlier and I saw my ex was online, though I was online I'm not sure if he noticed me or so; but it didn't matter to me much any more. His status was this I don't know whatever he's trying to talk about, but I've noticed that his more showy now compared to before. Bullocks! Who gives a damn, I'm just an observer if you may. Nonetheless, I cross my heart: I have no feelings for him any longer. :D I'm happy God took him off my head now, just a part of the past and nothing of concern. I'm still continuing to have those weird dreams, those perplex dreams that even I can't even fathom what irregular whatever they are "arbitrary mind fck" sorry, I'm just starting to feel uninterested in my dreams. The fact that they make me more tired when I wake up makes it even worst? On a regular basis, I pray before going to sleep, I enjoy talking to God the fact that He's just there and will tirelessly listen to your every whine and idea. Isn't He just the best :) Dear Lord, I love you so much and I am thankful for each passing day that you have given me, it is truly a blessing! Ciao amis

I can't believe this, but I'm already done with school (almost) knowing that I passed two of the subjects I've been dreading upon! God is so great that He has again gave me salvation. I am so thankful of his Love for me. As a result my excitement made me feel like wanting to kiss a man so passionately as a sign of victory. But then again, that's just a pigment of my imagination. I've finished almsot 5 books in less than quarter of a month, I've more to read before I can find a decent job. Plus the search of my "purpose in life". Which both my friend and my "fellowship email adviser" have instructed me to talk to God and ask Him what He really wants for me. And another sigh just escape my mouth.. Its been two months since my last blog, I feel terrible to be not able to write about my feelings again, but then again thank you twitter :D Guess tomorrow is truly a mystery, I miss my friend Hilary from colorado, she was one good american friend. (Sigh) I'm going to stop from here, and hopefully I'll be able to log in tomorrow or whatever. Later!